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FLAQ-404 Recall Notice

FLAQ-404 FoF Logistical Ammunition Quantum Delivery Apparatus

The military is recalling all Friend-or-foe Logistical and Asymmetric Quantum (FLAQ) 404 units after a multi-dimensional-divide-by-zero error was discovered, causing chaos on the battlefield. The issue was uncovered during routine testing of the devices, which are used for target acquisition and friendly fire mitigation.

The error has been attributed to weak quality control. A spokesperson for the military issued a statement expressing regret and apologizing to those affected by the bug. The recall is expected to cost millions of taxpayer dollars in addition to disrupt ongoing military operations abroad. Chester Macquery, SVP for Public Perception at the DAFT Institute which designs and manufactures the FLAQ-404, released the following statement:

The recall has no tangible impact to DAFT shareholders, as the device operates well within the contract signed by the DoD. DAFT is proud of the “up to 80% success rate” clearly specified in the FLAQ-404 operating and tactical manual.

Chester Macquery, SVP of Public Perception, DAFT Institute

This incident has renewed debate about the need for greater oversight of military spending and better assurance that arms manufacturers are meeting quality standards before deploying weapons systems into battle zones. In response, Congress is now considering new measures intended to ensure that these errors do not occur in future deployments.